When the 39 shuffles away and reforms into something more rounded.

'The 39 Project' began as an attempt to provide some degree of analysis and structure to the seemingly random and chaotic cauldron of my life.  It permeated every sector of my life as it would as it tied in with my thirty ninth year on this funny old planet or my 40th (I am never sure where one begins and one ends).  I had the equivalent of a 'bucket list', the '39 Possibilities'.  I had no wish to put myself under any pressure, hence 'possibilities'.  Surprisingly, I actually fulfilled many of the points I created.

I am not going to list all of the '39 Possibilities', but some were simply about keeping me open to ideas.  Some were very personal including getting off anti-depressants, which unsurprisingly led to the realisation that there was little difference my being on medication or off of it.  In fact, my thought processes are clearer and I can actually feel again.  Never underestimate the value of family, friendships and being acutely aware of your own needs, desires and moods.  Depression is cyclical and each day is different.  Being in the present is important.  I am not depressed at the moment and I know the signs.  Some of the things I was going to do, I didn't explore.  I was going to play around with the number 39 in different contexts.  I also did not visit 39 cemeteries, parks and London landmarks.  This was a tad ambition with limited time available.  But I have learnt to appreciate the serenity and beauty of cemeteries and parks.  Also the aesthetics of gravestones and tombs. 

Gravestone in a Berlin cemetery.  I have become increasingly fascinated with the little objects that are left around the gravesite.  Symbols of protection such as angels and candles to illuminate the way forward.

Oh yes, one thing I nearly did succeed in doing was listening to a different album each day I desired to listen to some music.  I only cheated with Camille O'Sullivan's 'Changeling' which I listened to on more than one day.  The possibility of variety helps to broaden my capacity to appreciate other things.  I found myself appreciating the variety of albums I own and trying rarely heard albums.  David Bowie, The Who, Nick Cave, Elvis Costello and Bob Dylan kept popping up in the list.  Indeed, my appreciation of The Who has gone up exponentially.  'Tommy' is a brilliant album.

Another list I created gives me a record of all of the books I have read this year.  I made a conscious effort to read more books with a non-fiction leaning, although I did find myself reading a lot of biographies, particularly of extreme personalities.  Most recently, 'Antonin Artaud: Blows and Bombs' by Stephen Barber.  Antonin Artaud is one of my personal heroes from the world of theatre and he touched on many other cultural forms too including poetry and art.  He came up with a new kind of theatre that was never properly realised but he remains one of the most influential figures in my life.  He effectively sought to create a new language of the theatre, one that was far less dependent upon the written word.  I recommend that anyone with any interest in theatre read his collected book of essays, 'The Theatre and Its Double'.  It blew me away.

There is so much more I could say about the '39 Project' but all I can say is that I didn't learn the 'I Ching', nor did I apply the dice life to my everyday decision making processes, just for fun.  I have learnt that next year, the blog I write based on my personal experiences will be called something different and I have reached the point where I am no longer concerned with needing to know the dates when I have done things or read things.  Life is not about order and structure all of the time.  It is more important to embrace the random and emotional.  Things change.  Loss is a sad inevitability of being a human being.  Horrible things happen but do we let them define us or move on?

Explore, embrace and discover!

I will see you soon!

Barry Watt - 16th March 2014.

Afterword.

'Changeling' by Camille O'Sullivan is an album of cover songs on the Little Cat Records label.  She is well worth seeing live too.

'Tommy' - The Who - The Deluxe edition with the extra live disc is great fun and is available on the UMC label.

'Antonin Artaud: Blows and Bombs' by Stephen Barber.  This book is published by Faber & Faber.  It is a great introduction to a complex and deeply troubled innovator who has sadly become more important posthumously than he was in his lifetime.

'The Theatre and Its Double' by Antonin Artaud.  This book is currently available in an Alma Classics edition.  It's a collection of essays on the theatre and Artaud's take on what it should become.

The 'I Ching' is one of the oldest Chinese texts.  I can't help you with how to use it as I haven't studied it yet.  Lots of books covering the I Ching.

The dice life as pushed by Luke Rhinehart in his series of 'Dice' novels.  The best one being 'The Dice Man', which is currently published by HarperCollins.  If you need an intelligent, controversial book with a variety of possible applications in day to day, give this one a try.  'Fiction' at its very best.

                                                                                                                  BW